Gifts from an LDS Upbringing

We talk a lot about ways to improve in the church, but let's not forget we get a lot of things right too! Many practices and cultural norms can be warm and inspiring. Today's guest post is from our dear friend Maggie, discussing some of the positive ways an LDS upbringing has empowered her.
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By Maggie

I recently had a job interview with a department head in the corporate office of a large company.  I had been really nervous for my interview, but once it began I found myself breathing easy and speaking comfortably with the higher-up.  I’m still waiting to find out if I got the job, but this experience taught me a few things about myself and my upbringing.  I realized that I could be more confident than I thought.  I realized that I tend to view all people as just people, even if they are wearing and impressive suit, have an impressive title and make an impressive amount of money.  I have a firm handshake and I laugh easily when someone makes a joke to break the ice.  I find it easy to evaluate myself in front of someone sitting behind a desk asking me questions, something that might intimidate a lot of people.  Why did I nail my interview?  Because of how I was raised.

While a corporate job is only one type of success among many possible successes, and while money is not my top priority in life, I feel compelled after this experience to share how my Mormon upbringing has empowered me as a woman and led me to where I am now.  Recently many women have had a lot of courage in expressing how they feel at Church- for good or bad.  They’ve been more willing to stand up and say, “I know you mean well, but that hurts me.”  I do not wish to undermine these women.  Please do not use what I’m writing as a means of trying to quiet their voices.  Their experiences and their concerns are very real, even if we don’t all share every one of them.  Positive experiences don’t negate negative experiences.  But we can look at them both and appreciate that this Church and it’s dealings with women involve complex and nuanced issues.  It is by no means all bad or all good.  For today, I’ll focus on the good.  Here are a few memories of the amazing formative opportunities the Church afforded me.

When I was a little girl in Primary, I was assigned to give a talk in front of my peers.  I think it was probably a minute or two long.  My Dad helped me write it.  My parents came and sat in the back to see me have my first public speaking experience.  I was nervous. I stood on a footstool to reach the podium and began to speak.  But no one could hear me.  The Primary President moved the microphone up to my mouth and I started again. I spoke and my voice boomed through the room.  It took a second to get the balance right and before I knew it, it was over.  That wasn’t so bad at all.  In fact, public speaking quickly became one of my favorite experiences at Church. I ended up giving a lot of talks, and bearing my testimony in front of the congregation frequently.

As a kid I also remember participating in the Primary Presentation in sacrament meeting.  For two weeks, I memorized and practiced reciting Matthew 5:16. “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” I stood in front of an entire congregation- of grown-ups! -and recited this memorized verse. 

When I turned 12 I began going to Girls’ Camp in the summer.  This was where I developed my first real love for being in nature.  This was where I first learned that I could be tough. I felt an intense sense of pride and strength that I could take long hikes, and live outside for a week and be perfectly happy. I learned knots, first aid, and other survival skills, many of which I still remember to this day.  Yes I can still build a fire and tie a bowline, thank you very much!

In the young women’s program I was called as laurel class president.  At first I kind of believed this was some sort of formality rather than an important calling with responsibilities.  But my leaders told me otherwise and tried to prepare me to understand leadership.  My adviser taught me how to organize myself and the information that I needed to plan events and help individuals.  I remember one Bishop’s Youth Council meeting in particular when I was in charge of planning an activity for all the young women and young men combined.  In the meeting, the bishop asked me to lead the discussion on the upcoming activity and to ensure that everyone was on the same page.  I was a little taken aback.  I had assumed that since I was a teenager, I was mainly a leader in name only, and that my adult adviser was really the one running the show.  But the bishop gave me an encouraging look and I swallowed and began to lead for the first time. I began to explain my ideas for the activity and began delegating various responsibilities to other class leaders, including my male peers, and asking opinions about a few logistics. Once everything was done, I turned the time back over to the bishop. Afterwards when I was on my way out of the building, the second counselor in the bishopric shook my hand and said, “Wow, you were a stud in there!...in the most feminine way possible of course.  Way to take charge!”  I laughed at his choice of words, but I felt an immense sense of accomplishment.  I suddenly felt that my contributions in the ward really mattered.  I had been terrified of leading anything, but I found that if I just dove in, I was more capable than I had realized.

When I was in college, I was part of a great single’s ward.  One week the bishop asked me to speak.  When I arrived at church, he was telling me the order of the speakers.  “First, Sister so-and-so, then Brother so-and-so, and I’d like for you to speak last.”  I didn’t fully understand at the time that many in the Church have only ever seen men as concluding speakers.  I guess it’s somewhat of....an honor?  My bishop smiled at me and said, “I felt this was the right way to do it.”  I thanked him, shook his hand and took my seat.  It wasn’t until later when I heard people debating whether women are allowed to be concluding speakers in Church that I appreciated what this bishop did for me and my ward.

One of the greatest and most formative opportunities came to me in Institute.  I had been on the institute council for a year or so and was so excited for its growth and the direction it was going. Of course the institute council president had been a man.  So needless to say, I was surprised when I received the calling to be the new Institute Council President for the following year.  My little 20-year-old self was totally overwhelmed at first.  This was the largest Institute east of the Mississippi, with more than 600 students at the time.  I would be leading a council of roughly 15 male and female committee chairs.  I conducted the Institute firesides and introduced speakers.  I met with the University President to discuss scheduling and important events on campus.  The Institute Director made sure that I understood that he was a support and that it was my responsibility to lead the Institute program and its students. Nothing shaped my confidence or my abilities quite like this experience did.

I’ve been blessed with many opportunities to lead and serve in the Church.  I don’t point these things out to toot my horn or say that I am better than anybody.  My purpose in sharing these experiences is to say that for me personally, as a woman, I felt more empowered as a result of growing up Mormon than I believe I would have been without the Church.  One thing the Church does struggle with at times is finding ways to empower women and people who do not have exactly the kind of personality they are looking for in leaders.  Everyone has vital contributions to make, and it is important to make use of and give credit to those contributors and recognize that every gift is important, and not just in name only.  We shouldn’t shame people for wanting to feel important in their community.  I was very lucky to have people pushing me forward and saying that I can be a powerful woman. I can delegate to men and no one is hurt by that.  I can conduct a meeting and nothing is being threatened.  While the Church has a long way to go, know that these things do happen, and that in many ways the Church does empower women.  It empowered me, and I am eternally grateful for it.

A Husband's Perspective on Appreciating and Supporting Women in their Role as Mothers

Happy Mother's Day to women everywhere! Today we have guest post from my (Steph's) husband, Doug. This is actually a talk he was asked to give in Sacrament meeting on Mother's Day, and Doug told me that he borrowed some quotes from our blog when putting together his talk :). I hope you enjoy a male perspective on how men can be better at appreciating and supporting women in their calling as mothers

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Brothers and Sisters, I feel very grateful to be able to talk to you on such a special day as Mother’s Day.

Growing up, I particularly remember one Mother's Day very vividly. My Dad approached me and told me that he had found the perfect Mother's Day gift for my Mom. I was very surprised to hear this because usually the night before the holiday my Dad would run frantically to Wal-Mart hunting for some random gift for Mom. So I was very curious to see the gift he had picked.

After church, my Dad gave Mom some flowers, and then said, "I have a surprise for you. Come follow me out to the garage." The whole family came out to see my Dad excitedly unveil Mom’s new present: a John Deere riding lawnmower!

 

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I remember trying to hold back laughter over the fact that my Dad had actually given this as a gift to Mom for Mother’s Day. The look that my Mother had on her face was happy and surprised because she is sweet like that and she didn’t want to make Dad feel bad, but deep down I knew that she wanted that for a gift about as much as my Dad would have wanted a DVD of some chick flick for Father’s Day. 

Today, brothers and sisters, I want to talk on how we as men can be better at appreciating and supporting women in their divine calling as mothers. Men, sometimes we do things that we may think are showing appreciation or support for a woman’s calling as a mother, but in fact I think we sometimes make her job more difficult. I’d like to discuss TWO situations where I have observed this to be the case.

1. Unfortunately, a number of men that I have known throughout my life use a woman’s calling as primary nurturer as an excuse to not help with nurturing or rearing children. In essence, we’re telling women, "I’m so grateful that you’re such a wonderful woman and nurturer, and I’m so glad I don’t have to help you."

For instance, when I was in high school I listened to a lesson from a Priesthood leader who bragged to our whole seminary class that he never had to change diapers in his home of eight children and then proceeded to tell a story of the only time that he did which consisted of him taking his toddler outside in the middle of winter in Idaho and spraying his child off with the garden hose because his wife was gone that afternoon.

 

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While this story for some might seem comical, and it is an extreme example, it illustrates a common occurrence where the husband is unwilling to take on necessary child rearing tasks because he thinks it is the woman’s job.

Although the Proclamation does tell us that women are “primarily” responsible for nurturing children, they are not exclusively responsible for doing so. Elder Faust said, in the May 1993 Ensign, “Both mothers and fathers are equipped to nurture children.” Furthermore, The Proclamation also says, “In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners,” and that “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness.” This says "Parents"---not women or mothers.

On a related note, sometimes men unfortunately treat a woman’s role as wife and nurturer synonymous with the role of maid/secretary/ or taxi service. In the July 1989 Ensign, Elder Boyd K. Packer said, “There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not the husband’s equal obligation. The tasks which come with parenthood, which many consider to be below other tasks, are simply above them.” For women who have to nurture and rear their children alone without the help of their husbands, or be solely responsible for menial household tasks, motherhood can become a lonely sentence instead of a calling.

2. The second situation that I have noticed where men can make things more difficult for mothers is sometimes men can act as though our role as provider and priesthood holder makes us superior to our wives. I’ll give two examples.

First, For families where the wife chooses to stay at home instead of pursuing a career, sometimes men act superior in their ability to, bring home the bacon. For instance, I know men who give their wives a limited budget, but then buy whatever fun things they want since “they brought home the money.” I also know men who have said things to their wives like, “you’re lucky that I provide for you.” For women who have husbands who act like the women are indebted to them for providing, should it really surprise us that these women feel like they’ll gain more value from the work force when if their lack of earning power is treated as a weakness? Hardworking husbands should feel equally grateful for hardworking wives that mother their children, which means that both are equally indebted to the other.

My Second Example is, men need to be careful not to use their priesthood authority as a trump card to control family decisions. As Elder Tom Perry has said, "There is not a president and vice president in a family. We have co-presidents working together eternally for the good of their family . . . They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.”

To conclude, I’m not trying to say that men who engage in the behaviors I’ve mentioned are being purposefully spiteful or ungrateful to their wives. In some ways, they are like my Dad giving my mom a riding lawn mower, honestly believing that this makes her feel appreciated, honored or supported, but missing the mark.

President Harold B. Lee told men in a priesthood session that "The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.”  I would submit that a great part of this is work for men is truly supporting and appreciating our wives in their noble calling as mothers by engaging with them as equal, valued partners, rather than placing them on a lonely pedetstal and expecting them to flawlessly perform these difficult tasks alone.

In other words men, if we really value the family and role of mothers, then we need to put our money where our mouth is and live our lives consistent with the belief that strengthening the family is the most important calling that any individual---man or woman---will ever fulfill.

Awareness Wednesday: Rape Culture and Victim Blaming

** Just a heads up on some of the links. Nothing explicit is shown, but some of the content is disturbing and/or graphic. It's pretty commonplace for what I see or hear about on a regular workday, but I realize that most people are extremely uncomfortable with the topics of rape and sexual abuse. You have been notified.**

I know that, because of my work as a victims’ therapist, I am more inclined to follow news stories about abuse, rape/ sexual assault, etc. For example, I followed the case regarding Jerry Sandusky quite closely- and I was relieved but not altogether surprised at his conviction, and the charges and subsequent convictions of those who covered up the case as well.

Another case that I have followed closely was the Steubenville, Ohio rape case that was resolved just earlier this year. If you’re not familiar with the case, I will summarize. A young girl attended a high school party where most of the attendees were drinking. This particular girl was extremely drunk; she left with two boys who played on the Steubenville varsity football team. (Though her ability to voluntarily leave was limited- at one point the boys were carrying her by her wrists and ankles, and she had to be helped in order to “walk” out of the party.) She was so drunk that she was incapacitated (blackout drunk) and the football players took advantage of her sexually. They only reason she knew anything happened was because 1- she woke up the next morning naked in a house she was unfamiliar with, and 2- pictures and videos of the boys abusing her were plastered all over the internet for the world to see. To make matters worse, many in this small community felt that the police didn’t investigate thoroughly enough, on account of the possibility of ruining the football team’s chance at another state title. Both boys were charged as juveniles, and were found guilty of raping the victim, and were sentenced to at least one year in juvenile detention; longer if they don’t comply with rehabilitation. One of the boys received an additional year for distributing child pornography, since he posted pictures of a naked girl under the age of 18 (the victim.) Both are expected to be released on or before their 21^st birthdays. 

There were so many disturbing facets of this case- it was like a car crash that’s horrific, but you can’t seem to turn your head or look away. First was the division the case caused- as though it wasn’t clear, open and shut. The facts were blatantly clear- two boys took advantage of a passed out drunk girl (obviously incapacitated beyond any point of consent) and then had the audacity to post video and photographic evidence of their behavior. One of their friends even did a running commentary on the video and said “she is so raped.” Which brings me to another issue with the case- only the two boys committing the acts have been charged thus far- what about the witnesses (other boys in the video) and the boys recording the video and/or taking pictures? Also, even though both of these boys were old enough to be charged as adults, they were charged and tried as juveniles, mitigating the consequences of their actions as much as possible. Which, apparently they expected. Third problem: the “boys will be boys” attitude surrounding this case and community was appalling. There is nothing typical, acceptable, or remotely excusable about taking advantage of a girl or woman; yet one of the boys really felt his football coach would take care of things for him so he wasn’t “worried.”

But the most disturbing aspect of the case was by far an away the victim blaming and perpetrator support that occurred. The victim has been bullied mercilessly for "ruining" the lives of these two boys. CNN covered the trial results; while they lamented the fate of these two "promising boys" who were gifted athletes and "good students," the victim wasn't mentioned- not even once. Also, please note in the video above that Mays' apology was about the pictures, not about his actions. The overall concern of the "lasting effect" on these young boys of being labeled a "sex offender" was also a point of concern.

This is not an isolated incident. Soon after this case went viral, another case in Torrington, Connecticut was brought to light. In this case, the victims were not unable to consent because they were drunk, but because they were underage- 13 years old, to be exact. Yet somehow people are finding it appropriate to blame the victims. Again. Some even asking "what is a 13 year old doing hanging around with 18 year old guys." But my question is the opposite: what is an 18 year old doing hanging around with 13 year old girls?

Now, I know that it's important to have mercy on all sides. I'm not suggesting we hate on sex offenders; I am suggesting that offering the offenders sympathy while the victims are left to defend themselves against harassment and bullying is ridiculous. I am saying that this perpetuation of rape culture is one of the most damning characteristics of our society, and certainly one of the most damaging to women. Any time someone or something is blamed other than the perpetrator, rape culture is reinforced. "I was drunk." "I didn't know how old she was." "She said yes- she was ok with it." (Even though she was too young or too drunk to legally consent.) "Legitimate rape doesn't case pregnancy." "She was asking for it." "She shouldn't have been drinking." "She's a slut/skank/whore/hoe/tease." "He's a good person." "He didn't have a father-figure." "I couldn't help myself." "He had such potential - she ruined his future." "She didn't say no." (This is used particularly in cases where the victim is drunk and isn't able to verbalize anything because she's passed out, or in cases where the victim is too scared or intimidated to say no; in which case it's still rape because people shouldn't be coerced to have sex.) "I wasn't violent." "I didn't know how young she was." I could go on, but I'm getting sick thinking about it.

The problem with these statements is twofold. The most obvious is that by alleviating the perpetrator of the blame, fault falls on the victim or someone/something else. The insinuation that sex offense is something that is unavoidable or part of life continues the summation that men cannot help themselves and humans are no more than our desires or impulses. If it's not the offenders' fault, how could it ever be prevented?

The second problem with the above sentiments is that they are all held as truth and given as reasons almost every time someone is raped or abused. This not only increases the shame the victim feels, but it also decreases the support for the victim. It also begins the seeds of justification in future offenders' minds, who, when they offend in the future, will feel little to no remorse unless they are caught. Both problems are part of the reasons why rape culture is so problematic.

And, unfortunately, the results of these statements is an addition of trauma to the victims, that is sometimes too difficult for them to bear. In the recent months following the conviction of two of the Steubenville rapists, we have examples where the lack of justice and subsequent influence of rape culture was too much for one young girl in Canada, and one young girl in California. The article I linked for the California victim talks about how her abusers wrote messages on her body (i.e. "___ was here" on her breasts, etc.) and yet not only have her rapists not been arrested yet, they also weren't expelled from school despite continued bullying and harassing the victim after the rape.

Rape culture reduces women to things who are to be acted upon rather than thinking, feeling people who are to be respected. It reduces women to the most base value of their physical bodies as sexual objects rather than soulful humans. It reduces men to become prey to their sexual drives. It reduces men to their base value as testosterone fueled creatures without the capacity for rational thought or compassion.

We, as human beings, are so much more than that. We are eternal souls who are here because we chose to follow God in the premortal existence, and we are on this earth to be tested and to become more like Him. How can we become more God-like if we continual excuse and rationalize abusive behaviors?

So what can we do? How do we, as individuals, work to stop rape culture? Stop blaming victims. Stop accepting others' statements of victim blaming, and place accountability on the perpetrator. Talk to your children about victim blaming and bullying. Don't let the people (kids and adults) in your life call victims "sluts" or "skanks" or other demeaning terms in your presence. Appropriately correct people when they share their misconceptions about rape (i.e. don't call them stupid or get mad at them, but do help them see that blame belongs on the offender.) Don't let people say "It wasn't your fault, BUT you should/ shouldn't have..." to victims. Encourage kids at school to also not tolerate such talk or behaviors. It may seem very small, but it's not. The more people who not only believe in stopping rape culture but also act on that belief, the less we'll have it.

Gender Inequality and Personal Testimony

Today's guest post comes to us from Lexie over at Beauty Redefined, who also wrote this popular and insightful post on self worth for us in 2011. Lexie shares her insights and thoughts about feminism and the gospel, gender inequality, and how personal testimony provides her with hope for the future and calm for the present. Many of our readers and authors have different experiences working through these challenging topics, and we're grateful to Lexie for sharing her journey. As usual, our blog is not endorsing any particular view on priesthood ordination etc.

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I am graduating with a Ph.D. in feminist theory and media analysis this semester, I am 27 years old, and I am a Latter-day Saint. As I’ve studied feminism for 10 years of college now, my testimony of women’s beautiful and necessary place in the gospel has only become stronger. Thank goodness. I remember feeling scared when I started my master’s program that maybe as I delved into feminism and my own experiences as a woman in the gospel, I’d start to question my testimony and my place in the church. People at school would say, “How dare you call yourself a feminist and a Mormon!” as if those two things cannot co-exist. When I defended my Ph.D. exams last year, this question came up again and I spent 10 minutes bearing the most powerful testimony I have ever spoken. I looked up to see tears streaming down the eyes of my committee of professors. (Crazy, right?!) What I’m getting at is my studies have challenged and really enhanced my faith. In all my research, I’ve come to find that everyone’s relationship to feminism is different and uniquely personal; so, too, is every person’s relationship to the gospel of Jesus Christ and their testimony of His restored gospel. In all the reconciling and negotiating and understanding and learning that takes place for a woman who claims feminism and claims the LDS gospel to be true, I’ve found my distinctly personal relationship with Heavenly Father and His spirit to be my guiding light, my solace, my happiness, and my power.  If I had to write a thesis statement for the rest of this post (which I hope you’ll still read!!) it is this: I believe some of the gender inequality we see in the church HURTS much worse, and has the ability to tear down the faith we do have, if we do not learn and re-learn exactly who we are and how much we are known and loved by God on a personal level.

I’ve felt mixed feelings throughout the last year or so of public discussion surrounding women seeking priesthood ordination and the larger conversation about some women feeling oppressed within the church. With some of these public movements, I’ve felt such compassion for the women involved but couldn’t align myself with the organizations because I didn’t fully agree with the goals of each. I’ve seriously considered why I haven’t felt the desire to push for change by wearing pants to church or pushing for women to be ordained or signing petitions or anything else. I self-identity as a change maker for heaven’s sakes! I run a non-profit fully aligned with feminist goals, and I fight for positive change on behalf of girls and women every day. But the key here is that my fight against media’s objectification of women and the consequential self-objectification that holds them back in every way that counts is one I encourage on a personal level. My sister and I shout from the rooftops that change starts with individuals learning to recognize the harmful lies they have internalized about who they are and what they are valued for, and then rejecting those lies through a myriad of personal strategies to take their power back. Profit-driven media isn’t going anywhere, so the harmful lies bombarding women aren’t where we start this fight. This is a bottom-up initiative that acknowledges the power of individual girls and women to recognize their pain and the ways they have been held back, and then battle those painful lies to realize their immense value and worth in a world that needs them – not just an idealized vision of them – but ALL of them.


I have come to understand that my feelings about women’s place in the gospel follows the same bottom-up trajectory I encourage with Beauty Redefined. I have not seriously questioned my place within this church and this gospel because somehow I’ve gotten lucky enough to know from a young age that I was loved, known, and special to God. That I have a divine mission to fulfill and divine roles to play on earth and beyond. And that as I need it, God will endow me with power to do His will and help His children. And I have experienced it in miraculous ways. Somehow, I have always known these truths about my identity. I’ve experienced it again and again. For me, this gospel is very, very personal. It is about my relationship with God, my closeness to the spirit, and how I can help others get that, too. The church and its structures are an appendage to that.  I have experienced the self-actualizing feelings that I am known and needed in God’s plan, and that knowledge buoys me up constantly. And I feel really lucky to know it.

But I’ve also learned that many women (and men) don’t experience that self-actualization like I do. And for women, if they don’t feel those truths about themselves and their importance on a very personal, spiritual level, that has to be SO DIFFICULT. Because, as a woman, it’s hard to SEE that you – personally – are loved and uniquely special in the church because it’s hard to SEE it reflected in church hierarchy, in gender representation in the scriptures, in General Conference, in temple covenants, etc. Fortunately, the church has undergone some awesome changes recently, what with thousands of female missionaries out in the field at younger ages, a cool re-vamping of mission leadership to include women, women praying at conference (at the beginning AND end), more discussion and focus on the history of women in the church and our place within it, and so much more. I have no doubt more changes are yet to come – especially things relating to cultural tradition that really have no basis in doctrine. Valerie Hudson has some cool hopes of what those changes could be here (see the list in the middle of her article).

The thing is, change does happen slowly. And maybe in our lifetime, we won’t see the structure of the church reflect whatever we believe to be “true equality.” We cannot bank on only believing if the institution of the church shows us what we want to see. Just like what I teach at Beauty Redefined, it is up to us as individuals to grasp our power, our potential, our unique and totally needed place in this world, and our divine identity. No one else can do it for us. It’s such a personal journey, and one we’re each on for our whole lives. The church, as an institution, can supplement and enhance our knowledge of who we are, but it’s our own personal missions to learn and re-learn how known, loved, and special we are to God and His plan.

I am definitely not saying that women fighting for priesthood ordination or any other measure of equality in the church don’t understand their identity. But I do think seeing some of the gender inequality we see in the church HURTS much worse, and has the ability to tear down the faith we do have, if we do not learn and re-learn exactly who we are and how much we are known and loved by God on a personal level. In my experience, I have been given power beyond my own to do more, be more, testify more than I thought possible. When I have children, I have no doubt God will give me the power I need to guide, strengthen, and protect them – regardless of not being ordained with priesthood power. I have felt promptings about who I am and what missions I need to fulfill. I have felt God’s love in a personal and particular way I can’t quite articulate. And for these reasons and many more, I KNOW I am loved and special and needed here now. I can testify that I know girls and women are equal to boys and men in the sight of God. I know the spirit can testify to each of us, again and again, that we are who we are and where we are on purpose. We each have divine roles and missions to fulfill. And when we better learn and feel what those roles and missions are, those parts of the church that feel or look unequal don’t feel so painful. Those parts of the church that feel unequal don’t have to hurt so bad because while they sometimes don’t reflect the equal love our Father and Mother in Heaven have for us, we know it in our hearts. And that personal testimony feels so much more powerful than anything else we could ever witness.

So as the Mormon feminist movement rolls forward, in a different way for every one of us, I so hope we can continue to seek for and experience personal, powerful revelation to teach and remind us who we are. Because we are more than we know; we are more powerful, more necessary, more loved, and more capable than we can even fathom.  

Questioning with Faith

By Karissa

There is a lot of discussion and questioning going around the blogosphere right now regarding various aspects of Mormonism. This lead to an email discussion among the authors of this blog, and I thought I would share my input with all of our readers... mostly because Kelsey encouraged me to.

It has always been, and probably always will be, unacceptable to question anything about faith or doctrine for some people. It is seen as disrespectful, unfaithful, and inappropriate to identify flaws in "the Church" because they believe it is true as is. But I feel that questions are part of growth and faith; they don't have to change the truthfulness of the Gospel. There is a difference between questioning "the" faith and questioning "with" faith.

One of the things I have valued about this blog is the identification of flaws- it has helped validate my already existing feelings in numerous instances. It has helped me feel less alone and has helped me better able to accept my own faith and questions. As a therapist, I occasionally ask my clients "How do you fix a problem you don't know you have?" (Because you can't.) (Which is why you can't just ignore problems.) So it's important to identify flaws and areas that are lacking if we are to perfect ourselves and our faith. I do believe in the doctrine of Mormonism with all my heart, but I don't believe the religion/culture has yet been perfected. What is perfect is the belief in Christ and Heavenly Father, the Plan of Salvation, and other major areas of faith. What isn't perfect is how people (because people are flawed) go about teaching, preaching, and sometimes enacting what we believe has been taught.

However, I also believe this questioning and identifying needs to be done with faith. It's important to identify things where the church still needs improvement, but to do so in the mindset of patience and faith rather than a mindset of "If it's not already perfect I'm out" or finding someone to blame the problems on. It's certainly not the current church leadership's fault that some things have been hurtful for a hundred years. I do believe the prophet and his apostles guide this church with immense faith and divine authority and divine help, so blaming them for the structure of the church seems inappropriate to me. However, questioning the current structure and wondering how it can be improved upon through faith is different.

Because eternal progression is one of the core tenets of our faith, I don't find it inappropriate to identify areas of needed progression with the culture (and sometimes doctrine) of the church. Blacks and the priesthood is probably one of the biggest, most recent progressions. Women prayed in the last general conference- this is also a  progression that came about by faithful members sharing their point of view and their pain, allowing the church leaders the opportunity to consider the issue and then prayerfully make a decision in faith. The release of "God Loveth His Children" is another example of beautiful progression. Prior to that, there wasn't enough love to homosexuals in the church, and people noticed it and talked about it, thus again allowing church leaders to be able to consider the issue. It's improving... still not perfect, still a point of progression, but it is better than it was before.

As long as the overall tone is one of hope, patience, enduring faith, and belief in the gospel, I'm ok with questions and flaw identification. I find it validating, the discussions enlightening, and the overall experience to be of great worth. It is often an opportunity for me to look within myself and identify what I believe and where I stand, and then find areas where I can improve myself. I feel it is one of many ways we as a church and individuals can move towards progress and perfection, and ultimately became more Christ-like.

I'll end with the following scriptures: Matthew 7:7 and D&C 88:63. I don't think this encouragement to ask questions applies only to the initial introduction to the gospel- it applies to everything in our lives. Seek out the questions, ask for answers, and act with faith. If we apply this pattern to our search for perfecting ourselves and our religion, we will find positive progression as a result of questioning with faith.

Archetypes of Divine Motherhood

We often address the challenges and blessings of physical motherhood on our blog, but today our guest post by Brittany Cromar addresses broad motherhood and its symbolic archetypes that can be meaningful for every woman. As I read her lovely insights, I was reminded of this quote by Elder Nelson: "The spiritual rewards of motherhood are available to all women. Nurturing the young, comforting the frightened, protecting the vulnerable, teaching and giving encouragement need not—and should not—be limited to our own children" (Lessons From Eve, October 198). 

Artwork by Annie Henrie

Archetypes of Divine Motherhood
By Brittany Cromar

I understand that one issue some LDS women struggle with is that women's worth in the church seems to be tied up in the roles of "wife" and "mother."  It doesn't seem right that all a man needs to do to bless the kingdom is hold his Priesthood worthily (something he has complete control over) while a woman's ability to do God's work (“motherhood”) appears to be contingent on her finding a husband and being fertile (things which she may not have much control of at all).  Furthermore, I share the concerns of any who feel that emphasizing a woman’s ability to bear children is reducing her to her womb, because I believe it is extremely important that women are valued for more than our bodies.

If, however, we view "motherhood" as not only a childbearing task, we can recognize that, while bringing up a righteous generation is important work for those of us who are given that responsibility, it is not the end-all-be-all of the role of daughters in His kingdom.  I believe that one of our most important responsibilities in this life is to prepare our souls for the blessings of becoming like God, whose chosen title is that of “Father.” As the ideas for this guest post were forming, I was interested to witness two different priesthood holders saying, in separate conversations, that they felt that “Priesthood” and “fatherhood” are really the same thing.   I believe that the order of Priesthood that men are assigned to operate under in this life provides important archetypes for divine fatherhood, and that, through viewing earthly motherhood as archetypal, we, as women, can learn much about our divine nature as eternal mothers-in-training.

"An archetype is a universally understood symbol, term, or pattern of behavior, a prototype upon which others are copied, patterned, or emulated." (Wikipedia)

I was introduced to the concept of divine archetypes through two posts by Heather at Women in the Scriptures, Archetypes Instead of Stereotypes and Goddess Archetypes.  I encourage you to go read at least the first post right now.  It really sets the stage for the rest of what I want to say.

Jungian psychology incorporates the neopagan concept of the "triple goddess" as “Maiden,” “Mother,” and “Crone” into its archetypes.  While these archetypes are named after phases of a woman's life, it is significant to note that a woman does not actually need to have children to exhibit characteristics of the “Mother” archetype.  For my own purposes, I would like to further divide the Mother archetype, utilizing specific phases of the childbearing cycle to better highlight some divine qualities I believe are inherent in divine motherhood.

I will focus on three archetypes, which I will call the Pregnant Woman, the Birthing Woman, and the Nursing Mother.  Please keep in mind that archetypes represent a pattern.  I am not trying to say that living these experiences guarantees acquisition of the qualities listed.  I am also not saying that these experiences are necessary to developing these qualities.  In fact, my point is quite the opposite.  I believe that all of us can strive to live these qualities of divine motherhood, whether we have children or not.  This, I believe, is what Sister Julie B. Beck meant when she spoke of having "A Mother Heart."

The Pregnant Woman Archetype

The Pregnant Woman learns faith as her body becomes the site of a miracle that she can not actually see, but which she knows is there and of which she can feel the effects.  Because her health and that of her child are linked, she learns of the importance of taking care of oneself to be able to take care of others.  She learns longsuffering as she may endure various discomforts related to hormones and the increasing size of her womb.  As the end of her pregnancy nears, she learns patience as she awaits the birth.

The Birthing Woman Archetype

The Birthing Woman experiences a great change, the conversion of her womb from closed to open to allow the baby to separate itself from her.  This change is often challenging--periods of powerful squeezing alternating with periods of rest. Through hours of darkness, she looks forward with hope to the coming of her child.  She selflessly sacrifices her blood to bring the child to light.  When at last the moment of birth arrives, all else is forgotten in her rejoicing.

The Nursing Mother Archetype

The Nursing Mother's experience is one of consecration.  Her time and her body become dedicated to the care of one who is totally helpless.  The word "nursing" really encompasses much more than breastfeeding (and in my opinion, it does not exclude loving bottlefeeding).  It is feeding, comforting, nurturing.  The nursing mother embodies charity, the unconditional pure love of Christ.

The Mediator

Before I close this post, I want to take a moment to recognize that our perfect archetype for holiness is Jesus Christ.  He is our mediator, and we only come to know our Heavenly Parents through Him. He is the only man to walk this earth who, through the atonement, has felt all the trials of womanhood.  I may not understand it, but I have faith in it. I believe He is in a unique position to guide both women and men towards our divine destiny.  It is no coincidence at all that what I have called "qualities of motherhood archetypes" are also what we know as "Christlike qualities." It is my hope that we can all strive to fulfill our divine destinies by developing these qualities while traveling our own unique paths to divine motherhood.

Do what you can, when you can, where you are

Today's guest post comes from my friend Jewel, who shares some beautiful thoughts about retaining her identity and talents while still embracing her role as a wife and mother. You can read more of Jewel's thoughts here.

About a year and a half ago, we had a Young Women's/Young Men's meeting about the new Church's website, taught by the missionaries in our ward, and at the end of the meeting, the missionaries challenged each of us to create a Mormon.org profile. It was an exciting and encouraging meeting, and as a leader of the 14 and 15-year-old girls, I felt like I should be a good example to them, so I sat down that week and logged in to the website and started the process of creating my profile.
Big mistake.

One of the first things they asked for was a short descriptive sentence about myself--examples included "I'm a mom, a marathon runner, and a gourmet cook. I'm a Mormon." and "I'm a dad, a volunteer at our local pet shelter, and a secret superhero. I'm a Mormon." (Exaggerate? Me? Naw....).
I'm not exactly great at making things succinct anyways, so finding a way to describe myself honestly in 3 or 4 terms was rough.

"Okay...I'm a wife, and a mom, and...and...."

Try as I might, I seriously couldn't think of any other way to describe myself, besides in terms of who I used to be. Isn't that kind of pathetic?

I used to run....but hadn't really run much since becoming pregnant with Jack (three years ago, mind you).

I used to play the piano....but aside from teaching and playing hymns occasionally, I really didn't take the time to practice anymore.

I used to read....but other than "Go Dog, Go," and my friend's facebook statuses, hadn't read anything good for a few months.

And on and on it went--for every hobby that I had formerly used to describe myself, I couldn't any longer describe myself as that same person (well, honestly, anyways).

All of these interests were things that, for one excuse or another, I had at one time enjoyed, but no longer did.

I ended up not finishing my profile, because I was actually really bothered by the fact that I couldn't think of any way to describe myself other than as a wife and a mother. Although my total time at the computer was probably finished in less than half an hour, the thoughts that the descriptive process had put in my head refused to be silenced for weeks afterwards.

Had I completely lost my personality? My drive? My ability to achieve anything other than making and taking care of babies (which, admittedly, I was proving to be pretty good at, but still)? Had I given up who I was in order to turn into a wife and mother...and that's it?

Now, don't get me wrong. I loved being a stay-at-home mom, and I was (and still am) incredibly grateful--not only that I am able to have children, but also that my husband's job allowed me to have the opportunity to stay at home and raise my children. At the same time, I refused to believe that my Heavenly Father would give me all of these interests and talents and then ask me to forget about them all once I had a baby. My inability to fill out that profile forced me to realize that I had been burying my talents--not intentionally, of course--but perhaps I had been subconsciously using my children as an excuse to no longer keep up with the skills I had developed before becoming a mother (and let's face it--kids can be a good excuse for getting out of just about anything).

At the time, I was morning sick and emotional and so this realization seemed like the end of the world. Now that I'm no longer exhausted and hormonal (okay, less exhausted and hormonal, anyways), I can look back and list the accomplishments I've had since being married to Steve. I won't, because it feels a little too much like bragging, but suffice it to say, they are numerable and varied, from learning how to bake awesome bread to making costumes for local plays. Some of them are skills I have developed through being a wife and mother, and others have nothing whatsoever to do with those two all-important roles.

That's not the point, however. The point (which I will eventually get to, despite the rambling, roundabout way of getting there) is this: I've learned that I enjoy having goals. I feel most confident, happy, and productive when I know that I'm working towards an eventual, attainable, measurable goal. Feeling that way helps me to be a better wife, and mother, which in turn helps me feel confident, happy, and productive. And so it goes.

If I were to go back and finish my profile today (which reminds me, I probably should do that...you know, now that I've had a year and a half to think about it), I would have a few other accomplishments and goals to add.

I enjoy reading, and I've got a list of classics that I'm working my way through at a pace that works for me.

I've started running again, and in fact, I have a goal to run a marathon this fall--I start seriously training once Maggie's weaned in May (Terrified? Why, yes. Yes, I am.).

I taught myself to sew, and made a couple of cute aprons to give as gifts last Christmas.

I sing, and (this is new to me) act--I got to be the lead for our community's production of Little Shop of Horrors last year, just three months after Maggie was born (which is another story--remind me to tell you about that experience later).

I now make time to just play the piano for the fun of it--nothing intense or too difficult, but I'm keeping my skills at a decent level, for now.

Source

I have a few other goals for now, and several more for the future, but this gives an idea of some of the things I've used to help myself re-define who I am. It doesn't change my testimony of the divinity of motherhood or the importance of what I'm actually doing as I'm changing diapers, feeding babies, and washing faces, but it does help me to find more joy and contentment in my calling, because I'm not resenting my children or my husband for keeping me from doing the things I think I "really" want to do.

I also know that the point of life I'm at right now doesn't allow me to reasonably do a lot of the activities that I used to participate in, and I'm okay with that, because I know that eventually, I will. For the moment, these interests help me to find my personal fulfillment while chasing toddlers and burping babies. Later on, I'll have the time (and energy) to add more to my "visible accomplishments" list. But for now, I'm happy where I am.

I saw a sign at a boutique a while ago, and it sums up what this post is all about.

"Do what you can, when you can, where you are."

Working on it.

Private Counseling vs Public Petitioning: How Do We Provide Feedback to Church Leaders?

by Steph

In case you haven’t heard, the latest flurry of controversy in the Mormon feminist world has centered around a letter-writing campaign entitled “Let Women Pray in General Conference.” This campaign coincides with Sister Dalton’s recent remarks regarding women lobbying for rights.

All the dialogue surrounding these events has caused me to seriously consider what my position is regarding publicly “petitioning” our Church leaders to change policies, and expressing public dissent within the Church. “Maybe,” I thought, “there is a place for righteous opposition or petitioning when it is done in good intentions to 'help' the Church.” Before I came down one way or the other on this issue, I wanted to study it closely. I found that my question was answered, at least in part, by Elder Ballard, who stated, “in the Lord’s Church there is no such thing as a ‘loyal opposition.’ One is either for the kingdom of God and stands in defense of God’s prophets and apostles, or one stands opposed.”

Before I tell you what I think this quote does mean, I’ll start by telling you what I think it doesn’t mean.

First, I don’t think that Elder Ballard’s quote means that every sentence that ever falls from the lips of a Prophet, Apostle, General Authority, or seminary teacher, constitutes Church doctrine that I must, in my own mind, defend. The Church’s recent statement entitled Approaching Mormon Doctrine directly contradicts such an idea when it says, “Not every statement made by a Church leader, past or present, necessarily constitutes doctrine. A single statement made by a single leader on a single occasion often represents a personal, though well-considered, opinion, but is not meant to be officially binding for the whole Church.” Rather, the Church notes that “The doctrinal tenets of any religion are best understood within a broad context, and thoughtful analysis is required to understand them.”

Second, I don’t think that this quote means that members of the Church must always agree with what is happening within the Church. Below are four examples (two from scripture, and two from modern church history) where a Church member expressed concern over a particular policy and provided criticism to a Church leader, yet this ended up being a positive thing for the Church.

1. In Exodus chapter 18, Moses was judging the people, and he judged “from the morning unto the evening.” Moses’s father in law, Jethro, recognized that Moses’s leadership method was not sustainable, and he expressed this concern to Moses. Jethro said to Moses “The thing that thou doest is not good.” Jethro goes on to give advice to Moses for how to solve the problem. He tells Moses, “Hearken now unto my voice, I will give thee counsel, and God shall be with thee.” The scriptures then tell us that “Moses hearkened to the voice of his father in law, and did all that he had said.” Did you catch that? A church member who observed a problem criticized a Prophet of God, and the Prophet hearkened to the Church member’s advice and was able to solve the problem. Wow.
 

Jethro and Moses Source

2. A second example comes from the story of Nephi’s broken bow, in First Nephi chapter 16. When Nephi breaks his bow while hunting in the wilderness, not only did Nephi’s brothers murmur, but the scriptures tell us that Lehi, the Lord’s prophet, “began to murmur against the Lord his God.” I think that Nephi’s response is significant. We don’t know exactly what Nephi said, but he tells us that his family, including Lehi, “humbled themselves because of my words; for I did say many things unto them in the energy of my soul.” After Lehi humbled himself and prayed to the Lord, “he was truly chastened because of his murmuring against the Lord.” Thus, Nephi helped humble those who were murmuring in the group, including the Prophet, who then received chastisement and repented and was able to guide the family to find food, and eventually to the promised land.

 

Lehi and Nephi Source

3. A third example is a letter that Chase Peterson, a university administrator at Harvard, wrote to President Kimball expressing his concern about the Church’s policy on blacks and the priesthood. After expressing the benefits he saw of extending the Priesthood to blacks, he wrote, “Could it be that the Lord has been both preparing us to accept the black man into full Priesthood fellowship and preparing the black man for Priesthood responsibility? . . . [Perhaps the Lord] is waiting for us to be ready, and if we fail to demonstrate our readiness, there may not be a [right] time again [soon].” A few days later President Kimball replied, “I thank you very much for your delightful letter and for the suggestions you have offered. Please accept my sincere thanks and best wishes.” President Kimball was the prophet who received the revelation extending priesthood to the blacks. While this letter surely was not the defining factor in that revelation, which involved years of prayer and counseling with his presidency and apostles, President Kimball seemed to appreciate these insights.  (See this article from BYU studies for sources and a beautiful discussion about the process leading to President Kimball’s revelation).

4. As a final example, in an April 2011 Conference, Elder Quentin L. Cook asked a Stake President in Tonga how they had achieved great success in reactivating young people. The Stake President Explained that at a stake council meeting, the Stake Relief Society President expressed concern about the fact that many young men who had not served missions “knew they had disappointed bishops and priesthood leaders who had strongly encouraged them to serve a mission, and they now felt like second-class members.” The Relief Society President, Sister Leinata Va’enuku, expressed love and concern for these men and instigated a discussion about reaching out to particularly help these men and their wives feel loved. So this Sister expressed concern about how certain members of the Church were being treated, offered a solution for change that was embraced by the Council, and that led to great success in the Church.

I think it is significant that all four of these examples have at least two key things in common:

1. The individual offering feedback did so out of love and loyalty, with a sincere desire to help the Church leader succeed.
2. The criticism was offered to the person(s) who needed the feedback privately and directly.

This leads me to what I think Elder Ballard meant when he said, “in the Lord’s Church there is no such thing as a ‘loyal opposition.’ One is either for the kingdom of God and stands in defense of God’s prophets and apostles, or one stands opposed.” I think Elder Ballard is saying that there is no such thing as helpful, public criticism of the Church or its leaders by Church members.

 

As a side note, I don’t think this means there is no place for public discourse about issues in the Church or Church culture. For instance, I think it makes sense to have a discussion saying, “it appears to me that the Church teaches X, so I think it's problematic when culturally we do Y." (e.g. modern Church leaders encourages women to get an education, but some cultures belittle women who want to do so). I think it’s also okay to say, "I’m struggling to understand Church doctrine X, and here are the best solutions I’ve found for understanding this issue, but I’m open to what others think." (e.g., I'm struggling to understand why there was polygamy in Church history, and this is my best explanation for why that happened, but I'm open to learning more).  But where I think we cross the line is when we publicly say, "The Church is wrong in teaching X, and should really teach Y, and hopefully the Church will come to its senses someday." (e.g., the Church was wrong to ever engage in polygamy, and hopefully someday the Church will renounce the error of its ways).  Note though that it might be okay to privately discuss concerns or hope that the Church makes policy changes---for example, President Kimball later expressed the fact that from a youth, he believed the Church's policy on blacks and the priesthood would change, and he privately questioned with other Church leaders the purpose for the Church's policy.  However, he also expressed the importance of loyalty to the brethren and trust in the Lord's timing, and he never publicly expressed dissent.

So why is the public nature of the feedback important? I think there are at least three reasons.

First, I think it stems from an eternal principle, not just related to Church structure and policy, where the Lord has commanded “And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled. And if he or she confess not thou shalt deliver him or her up unto the church, not to the members, but to the elders. And it shall be done in a meeting, and that not before the world.” (D&C 42:88-89).

As a practical matter, I have found this principle is surely true for resolving all types of disputes, whether in leadership settings, at work, or even with my own husband. People are more willing to listen and less willing to feel threatened when a public spectacle is not being made of their mistakes. This type of counseling together to resolve a problem can lead to greater unity and progress within the Church, as opposed to antagonistic criticism pitting Church members against each other.

Second, I think private feedback is preferable because of what public criticism does to the testimony of the criticizer.

President McKay stated, “see how quickly men who attempt unauthoritatively to steady the ark die spiritually.” (David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals 258 (Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1953)).  Of Church members who publicly criticized the Church for its policy regarding blacks and the priesthood, President Kimball said, “These smart members who would force the issue, and there are many of them, cheapen the issue and certainly bring into contempt the sacred principle of revelation and divine authority.” 

When we begin to publicly criticize the Church, I am convinced this cannot be done without an element of pride, where we assume that we are the authority on the issue, and we hope that the Church will come to its senses and see things our way. Such pride makes it difficult for us to be taught by the Spirit and makes it easier to become angry and lose sight of what matters most. In contrast, when we privately counsel with Church leaders and offer feedback, there is much more humility and love infused in the process, where we hope our perspective is helpful, but we have the patience to trust in others’ abilities and---most importantly---the Lord’s ability as well.

I think the impact on our testimony from publicly criticizing the Church can also be demonstrated by a story told by President Uchtdorf about---you guessed it---an airplane. In his 2009 talk entitled, “We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down,” President Uchtdorf relayed the following story:

“On a dark December night 36 years ago, a Lockheed 1011 jumbo jet crashed into the Florida Everglades, killing over 100 people. This terrible accident was one of the deadliest crashes in the history of the United States.

A curious thing about this accident is that all vital parts and systems of the airplane were functioning perfectly—the plane could have easily landed safely at its destination in Miami, only 20 miles (32km) away.

During the final approach, however, the crew noticed that one green light had failed to illuminate—a light that indicates whether or not the nose landing gear has extended successfully. The pilots discontinued the approach, set the aircraft into a circling holding pattern over the pitch-black Everglades, and turned their attention toward investigating the problem.

They became so preoccupied with their search that they failed to realize the plane was gradually descending closer and closer toward the dark swamp below. By the time someone noticed what was happening, it was too late to avoid the disaster.

After the accident, investigators tried to determine the cause. The landing gear had indeed lowered properly. The plane was in perfect mechanical condition. Everything was working properly—all except one thing: a single burned-out light bulb. That tiny bulb—worth about 20 cents—started the chain of events that ultimately led to the tragic death of over 100 people.

Of course, the malfunctioning light bulb didn’t cause the accident; it happened because the crew placed its focus on something that seemed to matter at the moment while losing sight of what mattered most.”

For me, at least, when I have felt critical of the Church, it is usually over something that, in the grand scheme of things, likely has the significance of a 20 cent light bulb, and while I may be correct that the light bulb is burnt out, it’s not a problem that is worth fixating on and crashing my spiritual plane over.

Third, and finally, I think that public criticism of the Church can be especially harmful because of the impact it can have on the testimonies of others.

I’ll relate back to the light-bulb example. When the crew-members became fixated on a light bulb and crashed the plane, they weren’t the only victims. All of the passengers on the plane suffered as well--which could represent families or friends who surround you. This analogy isn’t perfect, but imagine that crew members were also radioing other planes and saying, “Hey do you also have a light bulb burned out? Have you checked your control panel lately? You may want to delay your landing and start circling because we think there’s a serious problem. Try flicking all your lights on and off . . .” And so on, distracting other planes, and causing other crews to lose sight of what mattered. This could represent anyone to whom you are broadcasting your criticism of the Church.

In other words, I think those members of the Church who observe problems in the Church (or what they believe to be problems), have the choice of becoming like Alma the Younger before he repented, when he did not believe his father’s teachings and was leading Church members astray and seeking to destroy the Church, or Alma the Younger after he repented, and became a powerful force for good in the Church.

Think of Jethro, Nephi, Sister Leinata Va’enuku, and Chase Peterson, who were all powerful forces for good in the Church. Jethro did not publicly criticize Moses for his flawed leadership style, Nephi only spoke directly to those who had been murmuring, Sister Leinata Va’enuku did not create a blog solely to condemn the Priesthood leaders for being mean to young men in her stake, and Chase Peterson wrote his own personal letter in private to President Kimball---without fanfare or publicity. These individuals counseled with Church leaders with love and humility, and through doing so, they helped the Church improve.

 

There have been times in my life when I have felt frustrated or confused over issues in the Church, and if I have ever crossed the line and publicly criticized the Church (if in fact I am correct that this is the line), I want to publicly apologize. Because at the end of the day, I love this Church, and despite the flaws of our leaders, I think they are good inspired men and women, and I believe that the Church is an inspired organization that leads men and women to live better lives. In a word, it is an organization worth building up rather than tearing down. It is a plane that, even with some burnt out light bulbs, is functioning in all critical aspets and capable of safely taking me to my destination.  So even if I don’t always privately agree, and though I may voice concerns in counseling settings that arise, at the end of the day, I hope it can be said of me that I was one who “stands in defense of God’s prophets and apostles" because I believe the LDS Church is truly an organization worth standing for.